SEMA 2017: An unmolested Toyota MR2 gave us the strength to carry on

Dearest Martha,

As I took respite to pen this letter, I wondered if I would return from war the same man I was when I left home. SEMA is hell, my love. It has been just two days, but it feels like fortnights have passed. A fellow soldier nearly lost his leg from a surprise attack by a cursed foe and his mobility scooter mount. Supplies are scarce and dwindle by the hour, leaving us victim to highway bandits who would dare charge eight Union dollars for a frankfurter.

We have endured wastelands of misshapen composites, towering pickups taller than they are wide, and wheels so grotesquely oversized it’s a wonder the wagons they are affixed to can move at all. I trembled on the brink of abandoning all hope until we saw it, and it bestowed upon us the strength to carry onward: a virgin AW11 MR2. 

Cardinal in color and in generation, the angelic steed was hidden in a remote corner of the northern hall. It was twenty-nine years in age, but looked as unspoiled and youthful as the day it was born on the plains of Sagamihara. Having observed countless casualties of the show furbished in metallic lime greens, kandy purples and unholy oranges, the MR2’s stock crimson flanks were a welcome sight for these anguished eyes.

Upon rounding the aft, it was revealed that this was no mortal AW11. Though the many-holed wheels it wore could have easily been a deception, its raised venting and factory intercooler were proof enough. I had seen my share of spools the size of melons, often surrounded by excessive anodization and gashes cruelly cut into bonnets. This was an honest supercharged form, with wondrous 4A-GZE heart beating mid-ship and, back when I was but a schoolboy, a breed that charged quicker to thirty miles per hour than even the most exorbitant stallions from Maranello.

Eventually we found the caretaker of this magnificent mare. A veteran of many SEMAs, Mister Richard Lin told us of how he dreamt of an MR2 in his youth. He spoke of how it took him two-and-a-half decades to realize his ambition, and then added in vehemence, “It’s not for sale.” The Toyota’s presence was to brandish a newfangled varnish that is said to protect your gelding’s skin for up to ten years with no additional wax. At $1,200 a coat it wasn’t cheap, but if the original paint on Mister Lin’s AW11 was any guarantee, it did not appear to be mere snake oil.

With renewed hope stemming from the MR2’s untarnished crest — a soaring eagle, triumphant with wings spread — we will trudge on. We shall proceed across rivers of wide body kits, over mountains of complimentary reusable bags, and through acrid swamps teeming with dozers of bro. I must now end my letter, Martha, as I know not if will survive long enough to send it, or if I shall perish by an onslaught of stanced horrors. Should this be our final correspondence, please rest assured that, in this unforgiving world, at least one unmolested AW11 MR2 SC remains.

Ever yours truly,
Beauregard

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18 Responses to SEMA 2017: An unmolested Toyota MR2 gave us the strength to carry on

  1. BlitzPig said:

    Well done sir!!!!

  2. Iwakuni91 said:

    Oh, capital dear sir! Capital!

  3. James Spica said:

    Beautifully said. Hats off to you and friend.

  4. Kevin said:

    I read that in a Hunter S. Thompson voice. Either way, great post!

  5. Richard Lin said:

    Thank you for this amazing article!! This is my car you featured and I’m so incredibly delighted!!

  6. Johnny Wuttrich said:

    beautiful example! long live the screaming chicken!

  7. Bill Wilkman said:

    Very clever writing! I agree that SEMA seems to have devolved into a carnival freak show. A beautifully preserved MR2 would have been a wonder to my eyes as well.

  8. Nigel said:

    Greatness found !!

  9. Mike Carson said:

    Bravo!, a scrivener of the highest caliber! Those of us fortunate to have them, enjoy the utmost in driving pleasure, while the rest of the world generally ignores the Mister Two, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

  10. Jaceracer said:

    Molest is best (if done right).

  11. KiKiIchiBan said:

    Bravo, SEMA doesn’t look like my type of place, cars are to be driven, no hard parked, slammed to the ground on wheels that don’t fit.
    This AW11 is stunning. About 10 years ago I was offered a supercharged one for £400 and passed. Regretting that decision.

  12. Modded toaster said:

    Gallant show Lord Hsu. Most gallant.

  13. Thom Porter said:

    I am blessed to also possess a steed of the AW Supercharged persuasion in stock form.
    Mine is wrapped in a plain vanilla color with a blue interior and has less than 100k.
    A yearly trip to the Tail of the Dragon keeps me going as the flat world of Florida where I live is not enthusiastic enough for spirited driving pleasure.

  14. Brian Foo said:

    smashing!

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